Sheepless in Seattle
by Spectra16
Summary: Mini stories of the misadventures of Sam Fisher! Watch as he tries to get a yen for a car tole! Watch as he tries to protect his daughter on a first date! And see Grim and Lambert dance to Numa Numa!
1. Pocket Change

**Sheepless In Seattle**

By Spectra16

Disclaimer: I don't own Splinter Cell. At all. Nope. Nyet. Nada.

A/N: This is going to be a crazy ass story about some of my experiences with Splinter Cell and just funny things I thought of while playing the game feverously. So read. Each chapter will be a mini story.

.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter One: Pocket Change

(From Splinter Cell: Chaos Theory)

Some ignorant people just walk right through the door in order to put an evil man to rest, without interrogating, without caring. But Sam Fisher was much more intelligent than that. His age gave him wisdom, but didn't always provide common sense. Nedich was in the next room, talking with some of his guards about their current mission, and their unknown ring leader. Sam looked around for a stealthier way to listen in on a good conversation. Next to the paper door (the mission being in Japan after all) was a small shaft, which served little to no purpose at all. Sam Fisher groaned quietly as he crouched down to enter in. He shifted his arms back and forth in order to move along. The guards continued to talk, when a most horrific noise was heard.

Pocket change hit the floor with such immense impact on Sam's stealth mission. A guard had dropped it and knelt down a bit to retrieve it, right next to Sam Fisher in the shaft. Sam clenched his jaw, sweating

"Heh. Yen, not worth anything. Not even worth picking up," One guard said. The guard that was knelt down stood up suddenly. Sam Fisher sighed in relief.

The farthest guard from the door saw a mysterious arm poke out of the shaft and grab the dropped change. He sat there for a moment, wondering what the hell had just went through his mind. He shook his head, thinking it was only his imagination. At least, he hoped it was.

Sam Fisher kept crawling through the vent, with the most silly ass smile on his face.

"Yes! Now I can pay my parking toll!" He whispered to himself.

.-.-.-.-.-

Next adventure is Sam trying to intercept his daughter's new boyfriend!


	2. Like Father, Like Daughter

**Sheepless In Seattle**

By Spectra16

Disclaimer: I don't own Splinter Cell. At all. Nope. Nyet. Nada.

A/N: Yeah. These mini stories are. . . Mini. . . But that doesn't mean there won't be SOME long chapters. If anyone has any ideas they want me to put into play, just lemme know.

Oh. And if you've never read the Splinter cell novel, then you wouldn't know that Sammy Fisher has a daughter named Sarah. And this mini story is from her point of view.

.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Two: Like Father, Like Daughter

Here's the deal. My dad is some crazy spy for the United States government. He thinks he's so cool with all of his gadgets and stuff. But honestly, his espionage stints around the house are getting out of hand. I mean, he's in his mid 50s. He's a crazy old man.

Last night, he pushed me too far.

I was out on a date was the most wonderful guy in the world, Tylor, who took me out to this really expensive Japanese restaurant. It was great fun, until my dad decided to sneak around in his combat suit, staying in the shadows, trying not to be seen by me. But seriously, when I went to the bathroom, I couldn't help but notice unconscious bodies in "dark corners" along the way. I came back to my small, secluded tea house, and found my dad standing over my boyfriend with his typical I've-taken-a-hostage-again.

"Dad, what are you doing?" I asked, as if this kind of thing happened everyday. Which it did.

"Just making sure that my daughter isn't going to be hurt by some little punk ass boy that she thinks is so hot," Sam let Tylor hit the floor after choking him. "Don't worry. He won't remember a thing."

"Dad! You have to separate your private life with your . . . Weird . . . Super spy life. Okay? My social life shouldn't have to suffer because you act like everything's a video game!"

"Fisher! Abort the mission!" Lambert called in on Sam. Sam dropped everything and took off.

I was a little bit curious as to what revelation my dad had to make him just leave, but I wanted to learn it so that I could make him stop this madness. I followed him outside, and found that he was calling for an extraction in the middle of a busy street. I shook my head, and went back into the restaurant to get Tylor, and hopefully wake him up.

.-.-.-.-.-.-

Next adventure; Sam goes on a recon mission to intercept blackmail info about the US President! And the information happens to be encrypted into a Jack Russel Terrier dog collar! See Sam run around like a chicken with his head cut off around London in broad daylight!


	3. Not In Kansas Anymore

Sheepless In Seattle

By Spectra16

Disclaimer: Yeah . . . I'm a loser. I don't own Splinter Cell. Actually, that's not the only thing I don't own. I only own Pandora Tomorrow too. I would buy the other two games . . . But I have no money right now.

A/N: I got this whole dog chasing idea from chasing my little puppy out into the street and nearly getting hit by a car. I said, hey wouldn't it be funny if Sammy Fisher had to do this in London? Thus, I story is born.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter Three: Not In Kansas Anymore

"This is ridiculous," Sam tore open crate after crate in search for the hidden documents that had the plans to a new, very illegal casino owned by a crime lord by the name of Vincent. Sam became frustrated after he opened every crate in the warehouse, and found nothing.

"Lambert, there's nothing here," Sam wiped his forehead of sweat. Lambert frowned.

"Hmm . . . Must be ill-advised advice," Lambert pondered.

"What did you just say?" Sam asked.

"Nothing. Listen, I want you to go to London," Lambert stopped.

"What's in London?" Sam asked, agitated.

"I don't know. I just think it's a good idea," Lambert leaned over Grim's chair. Grim stared into her screen.

"What are you doing?" Lambert asked her in the most serious tone he could muster. Grim jumped, since she didn't hear him coming with her head phones on. She ripped them off and closed the window.

"Nothing," She said, clearly lying.

"No. Go back," Lambert demanded, and she opened up the window.

"Aw man! I love the Numa Numa dance!" Lambert started dancing in the middle of the room. Grim started dancing too.

"Hello? Hello? Lambert, what are you doing?" Sam called, and there was no reply. "I guess I'll be going to extraction now."

-.-.-.-.-

Sam crawled around the unreasonably dark London streets, in search for . . . Whatever it was that he was searching for. Out of nowhere, a random guard started walking toward him. He panicked and picked him off with his sniper pistol. Sam kept crawling.

-.-.-.-.-

"Have you ever seen "Ze End of the World"?" Grim asked Lambert, whom were still dancing.

"Yeah! Fucking kangaroos! That was the best part!" Lambert screamed and danced more. "Have you ever seen Zeeky Boogy Doog?"

"Yeah! I watch that every day!" Grim cheered.

-.-.-.-.-

Sam sipped a mocha at the nearest coffee shop, in his suit and little green goggles. He was getting pretty strange looks, and a few comments suggesting he was American, but besides that, no one bothered him. He waited for Lambert to stop playing hide and go seek, and ate a scone. Two men at the table next to him were talking in a suspicious tone.

"So where did you put the plans for world domination . . .err . . . My casino?" One man said. The other sighed.

"First I hid it in some crates, but then I realized that someone might go in there, so now. . . They're safe with Pugsie," The man spoke and laughed. Sam rose an eyebrow.

"Who's Pugsie?"

"My dog."

"Oh."

There was a long silence between the two then.

"Somehow my wife left the back door open and Pugsie got loose," The man said quietly.

"WHAT!" The other man and Sam stood up and yelled. Sam made a strange, embarrassed face and sat back down. The two men ignored him.

"That's why we should look for him because those plans are in his collar! I called the pound, but he wasn't there."

Sam left in a hurry to find the dog with the plans of world domination. (That just sounds so wrong on so many levels.) The first place he figured he'd look was the parks.

He looked under benches, in trash cans, near other dogs. He needed to find a pug. But he only found one so far, and it belonged to an elderly woman that beat him to a bloody pulp when he tried to run off with it.

Same became frustrate and beeped in Lambert.

"Hey, Lambert, are you there?"

Lambert turned down the music him and Grim were dancing to. Redding had joined them as of a few minute prior to this.

"Yeah. What can I do for you?"

"I need you to bring up satellite imaging of this London area and search for any dogs with an internal chip, hopefully our target will have one," Sam sat on a park bench, and dug his fingers through his hair. Just then, a small pug dog ran right past him. It took a few minutes to sink in, the fact that the dog just ran past him by chance. Sam quickly looked in the direction it ran, and saw it crossing the street. Sam immediately starting running for the small dog.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Ten miles away, Douglas Shetland was reading a Maxim in the bathroom of his trailer. (I just thought you all would like to know.)

-.-.-.-.-.-

Sam dodged a Dodge Caravan, a bus, and a cop car chasing the pug into the next street. Sam jumped over hoods and people, until he finally grabbed up the pug.

"AHA! I have you now!" Sam looked to find the collar under the flabs of skin, but there was none. Sam almost cried.

"WHY GOD WHY!"

And thus, Sam went to cry in a corner, and Shetland ate some Doritos. And the world ended. I'm done. 


End file.
